Been a while I put my almost-old keyboard to some use, rather than typing away stinker emails. Trust me as I say this, I’ve felt each one of my finger struggle while they tried to type something substantial. I saw them fail, stumble over the alphabets to make a word, and find their way to write this story, eventually!
The last 12 months weren’t easy. They crawled slower than a snail, pretty similar to how the hour-hand of the clock would barely move when you constantly stare at it. Imagine being in a deep pit, jumping to catch the last thread of the hanging rope and gasping every ounce of oxygen to survive. THAT does sound a little over-dramatic, but then don’t humans over-romanticize and dramatize everything? So today, after exactly one year, I can say I climbed up and out of it, eventually!
Last year this day, while I hoped to spend Diwali at home, life had plans to drug me on anesthesia! An unexpected surgery isn’t an easy thing to deal with when you have Indian (melodramatic) parents, or just being a 28 year old too. It made me angry, annoyed, irritated, needy, aloof, and to top it all, influenced to take decisions I regret till date. It got harder when I had to ‘ask for help’, which still doesn’t sound comfortable. After all those stupid decisions, dragging my feet towards a brighter 2018 was the only sunny wish I was looking forward to. But instead, I walked along with other situations, diagnosed to pop some obnoxious quantity & quality pills and stayed away from things I would prefer on weekends (not even asking for my favorite ones here, to be honest!) for over six months. It felt like my heart went on a stretch like an elastic band with maximum force and fired back, not once, but multiple times. & dang! It hurt.
I wade through because I had to. Each day, hoping that it’ll all end eventually.
And eventually, it did.
I’m not saying I didn’t give up. I gave up on most of the days, yet slept on a wet pillow holding on to this hope of eventually. “Eventually” won’t get you anywhere, they say. But it’ll help to reassure with the faith you have in yourself, or whosoever you want to put into, to just hold on. It’s like looking at a blue sky even on your computer wallpaper, hoping it’ll be real for you one day. We humans don’t do well with uncertainty, at least I don’t, even though that’s precisely what life is. We try to over-analyze, over-complicate, over-think and over-dramatize challenges to fit our story. It has to, right? Isn’t that the whole point to get the fit right? With your career, your partner, your day to day being, just to fix it right in your tiny ecosystem strung by the heart and the head. With all this and much more, this ‘eventually’ makes the head calm, even though it does for just ten minutes in the day. Honestly, It did help the riot in my head to bring some order to everything in and around me.
Today, after 365 days, I can say my eventually is here.
It might not last, but it is here to drink up to!