Are you lost?
Do you feel lost?
How often do you feel it?
I feel it right now.
And every second day.
Lost in terms of where I am, what am I doing, why am I doing it, should I be doing this, am I doing it right? Questions which I have no answers to, and don’t feel heartily happily answering it. A pretty messy phase to be in. And the funny thing- I can’t do messy!
I like it organized. I need my To-Do lists to be clean. I can’t stand a furrowed bed sheet. I can only have strong well-made coffees. I can’t do with your mindless chatter. A little too much of the little things in life. And right now, I feel the mere reason of my existence is to sort the mess. Somehow. It’s like that weird feeling of meandering without a plan, yet feel home in it.
But, what baffles me the most, are these arbitrary questions popping in my head.
“Can you just wander around?
Can you explore without settling in?
Can you? Or well, should you?
Does it matter to YOU whether I have a plan for my future or not?
Does it matter to ME whether I have a plan for my future or not?”
I don’t know.
Honestly, I don’t intend to know either.
A while ago, when I was jumping, screaming and shouting my heart out; I felt unheard. And I read this quote in a beautiful book (I forgot the name) which gave me a smile straight away. – “If you want the world to hear you, be loud. But, the world will take its own sweet time to hear you. Be patient, because it WILL happen. But in due time!”
And those 30 words infused courage and hope within me! This messy phase, whatsoever little happiness it holds, makes me smile. It makes me laugh on silly jokes; makes me give free hugs to friends,;makes me kiss his nose for the sweet nothings he utters; makes me fascinated by the idea of exploring unheard places with strangers; makes me take random adventures all by my own; makes me fall in love a little more, makes me laugh a little more; and live a little more than more.
So I don’t mind NOT having a plan right now. I can wander and explore around, without settling too soon. Well, I should. And I think everybody should once in a while, digress in their dreams, get lost in their own thoughts and let life take us wherever we’re destined to be.
Cause boy! You’ll reap what you sow.
All in due time.